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Bad Things Happen to Bad People

Posted on Jun 30, 2021. by NTI

One of the most rewarding things about watching easy-over TV is that you can pretty much assume the baddie will get it in the end. There is a satisfaction in a good comeuppance that is enjoyed from the sanctity of the sofa that is not always evident in the live version of life, which goes on after you have got up from your position in front of the television.

This morning (Wednesday 30 June) there is a heart-warming story on GOV.UK about a horrible woman from Leicester, Maria Marston, tasting a mouthful of her just deserts having pleaded guilty to three counts of obtaining property by deception and three counts of fraud at Leicester Crown Court on 17 May 2021. As often happens with this type of story, Marston's victim was a friend, aged 83, from whom she stole. We don't know that this pensioner quarry owned a three-legged cat and only walked with the aid of a stick, but that is how we in the NTI newsroom imagine her.

This bad horrible person persuaded her poor white-haired frail friend to loan her £55,000 on the promise that the funds would be returned when a trust fund, she claimed to be a party to, was received. Marston added to the deception by also promising to pay interest and compensation, saying she would pay the victim back £500,000 in total.

"Of course, dear, would you like another cuppa and have a home made scone?" we imagine her prey to say, stumbling against a table on which there was an urn containing her husband of 61 years ashes (we have in our vusialised version of the story). "Would you like it in cash?"

Gladys (which we imagine the old lady's name to be) was then advised to petition for Marston’s bankruptcy, believing it would help her access the money. The bankruptcy petition sparked an Insolvency Service investigation and Marston was subsequently charged and pleaded guilty to the charges we set out above. 

Marston was sentenced to two years imprisonment, suspended for two years, at Leicester Crown Court today. She was also ordered to pay a further £18,173 in compensation after paying £50,000 earlier this month and to undertake 100 hours of unpaid work. What have you actually got to do to serve time these days (and can we please see it captured on secret CCTV recorded at your office)?

A story just in about another bad person; you remember that Teneo bought out Deloitte's restructuring and insolvency division earlier this year? Well, Declan Kelly has lost his board seat at the campaign group Global Citizen and ceded some of his responsibilities as head of said Teneo after allegations of drunken misconduct at a fundraising concert.

It has been claimed by eye witnesses and a few finger print experts that nasty old Kelly has been accused of alleged inappropriate behaviour including the non-consensual touching of a number of women. Whether or not one was 83 year-old cat owner Gladys from Leicester has yet to be confirmed.

Kelly's spokesperson said he had “temporarily reduced his work responsibilities”, was “committed to sobriety” and was “undertaking ongoing counselling from healthcare professionals”. So we should hope, Duncan; you cannot just go to parties, have lots to drink and start feeling your way around the room. This isn't Government, you know.

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