00 Sunak Extends Furlough And Laser Beams Ms Dodds

Live scenes from the House of Commons this afternoon with Boris Johnson and Rishi Sunak lining up on the Government front benches confirmed the news that we had all long suspected. Only Rishi is allowed to use the hairbrush, so dapper and clean cut did he look beside our Boris flopped out alongside him like a twenty year old nylon polar bear rug. The style section of the NTI newsroom have been looking long and hard at the next James Bond's range of suits and can reveal that he bought 17 identical single-breasted navy blue classics from Benson & Clegg's in Jermyn Street, unless he has ten robotic dopplegangers who take it in turns to face the press.