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Revolution Bars: To Decide Between A CVA And The Forcible Overthrow Of The Govt

Posted on Sep 25, 2020. by NTI

Revolution market their brand of 74 bars around the UK as 'a leading operator of premium bars'. It is hard to close in on this self-assessment by looking through their website strewn with pictures of unattractive people with their arms in the air and responding favourably to alcohol, so we will just take their word for it for now. In response to the Government's new curfew of 10.00pm, presumably to stop (or at least discourage) you youngsters from getting bladdered, start snogging indiscriminately, then going home, making cheese on toast and leaning dangerously close to your Gran) the company on its website says that "11.00am is the new 11.00pm", so you can now cut all of the above from 10.00pm and paste it into 11.00am. Job done; Covid sorted.

The word 'revolution' is defined in the Oxford English Dictionary as, 'a forcible overthrow of a government or social order, in favour of a new system'. That's quite the name for a group of bars which looks strikingly similar to all other bars, personned by people with nose rings, badly blurred inking and wispy beards they have done their best to force their way through unwilling post-adolescent chins. We in the NTI newsroom think you should pay closer attention to your logo and explain, first to yourselves and then to us, why the 'e' is the wrong way round. Theories abound that the stable companion for Revolution is Revolución de Cuba, and this could explain the logo.

A spokesperson for the brand said: ... "challenges to the company's recovery since the national lockdown had been 'exacerbated' by the decision this week to impose tighter restrictions on opening hours." The company's board, which normally meets at 7.00pm, but have decided that "9.00am is the new 7.00pm", have said a restructuring through a CVA was among a number of options being explored by its board, along with a forcible overthrow of Government (or social disorder), but no decision has yet been made. Revolution has a strong balance sheet, having just completed £15 million of equity fundraising and the extension of its banking facilities, but the board believes that the long term nature and potential impact of the latest operating restrictions means it must consider all necessary options to ensure that its business remains viable.

The company's website states its 'Vision' is to be the place where everyone wants to be and as very few of us have demonstrated a strong taste for revolution and general anarchy, we at NTI believe they will eventually plump for the CVA, and be the first bar operator in England and Wales to do so since the new rules were published this week. But watch out, lads, Wetherspoons will not be far behind you (we reckon ...)

 

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