Margaret of Burnley is just stirring her dog's kibble into three Pot Noodles, making another sumptuous meal for her six children, ex-husband and his 16-year old girlfriend. She is making ends meet - just, but will surely be heartwarmed by the story of those lovely landlords at The Grosvenor Estate discussing a deal that would see them become a minority investor in the fashion label headed up by Roland Mouret, the British-based fashion designer.
It is said that Roland's designs are informed by his “intuitive understanding of the female form” (which in Norwich makes him a 'dirty bloke') and he is famous for the now-iconic Galaxy dress which, the NTI newsroom can reveal, is not being worn by Margaret from Burnley as she makes a side salad from grass and something she found in the bottom of her fridge. It almost goes without saying that Roland is French and is a master of structure and draping, not least in the way he structures his Blackwater asymmetric draped wool-crepe midi dress to fit so neatly into its £795 price tag. The man's a genius.
Who doesn't know that Roland Mouret is a 50-50 joint venture between Mr Mouret and XIX Entertainment, the media and artist management group founded by the even lovelier Simon Fuller who is a magician, just like Margaret, making a mint out of five tone-deaf women who were later each named after their least endearing feature.
The Grosvenor Estate are clever; they are establishing a new pool of capital which it is calling its 'Tenant Support Fund', with the objective of acquiring equity stakes in a small number of its tenants' businesses. One of the beneficiaries of this beneficence is M Mouret, which will be a massive relief to such as Scarlett Johansson and the Duchess of Sussex, who often send their people to shop at his store near to The Connaught Hotel in Mayfair, London (not the one just outside Blackburn).
If that didn't stop Margaret stirring her kids' tea then surely this will. There is news that the largest takeover deal in luxury is back on track after US jeweller Tiffany agreed to accept a reduced price from LVMH. Phew.
LVMH said it would now pay $131.50 for each Tiffany share putting the total price tag at £12.2 billion (Margaret, that is 12.2 billion Pot Noodles at Poundland). There was a hiccup before when an issue arose out of the possible tariffs that an outgoing orange President was threatening to attach to French luxury goods, but that has now all been sorted.
We interviewed Margaret who said:
"KIDS. Come and GET IT. Gary, put your brother DOWN."
Her husband's girlfriend was unavailable for comment, as she was just finishing the 'sound and light project' that will count as 50 per cent of her Fashion GCSE. It's not good, but who will really be looking next year when they make all the grades up again?